So, I wake up this morning and check the one comment on my google+ account, and it is a guy that had been posting all through the Einstein quote thread that Einstein never said that. Now, what that has to do with anything important (other than his own self-importance), I have no idea. There are so many other things that need attention in this world: the economy is still on the brink, people are out of work and no one is hiring, Syria is falling apart due to Civil War, Somalia is a war zone, we are still in Afghanistan for no apparent reason (we have done what could be done, they do not want us there), the Euro is tanking which affects economies worldwide, and this guy is bitching and moaning and groaning that Einstein never said those words. Doesn’t he have anything better to do? Is he an expert on everything Einstein said. Hell, i am not even an expert on everything I say. I do not remember everything I say. How could someone, other than an idiot savant, know and have memorized everything that Einstein said? I doubt Einstein remembered everything he said.
Oh, and then he was gloating about getting the last word in. So I told him his gloating was petty and he seemed like that type of person anyway. I also told him that he had not provided an alternative source for the quote, and that until he could that he had not earned the right to bitch, and that the right to bitch was like respect; it was an earned right. Clearly, this dipshit got under my skin. But, in my opinion one should not be asserting any form of argument unless you have the information to back it up. And I cannot stand petty people who think that they can just post repeatedly that someone didn’t say something or anything else with no back-up information. If you are going to start an argument, have something to say, have the information to back it up.
English: Wavelength for sine wave (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Quite possibly, the one single thing that has really begun to bug me about this having Bipolar Disorder thing that causes me to have to put caustic chemicals in my body and ultimately my brain, is the constant stream of doctor’s appointments to assess how I am doing. If it isn’t the psychiatrist (today) checking to see how well a dosage change is affecting mania or depression, it is the therapist next Tuesday to assess my emotional status. I mean, do not get me wrong, I owe a deep debt of gratitude to both them and my parents for paying for them, but sometimes I just like to be left alone to ride my sine wave, and have a good or bad day without it becoming part of a medical chart, or part of my diagnosis. If I am having a sort of bad day when I see the psychiatrist, I get labeled Bipolar Type 1 ~ “low mood”. Of course it is “low”, I am having a bad day. That doesn’t mean I am depressed or about to jump off a bridge! It means I having a bad day, not week, not month, but one single day. If I am happy and effusive then I am Bipolar Type 1 ~ “manic”. No, not manic, just happy and content. It once again is a one day thing.
I just get tired of all the notes taking down every word I say for further review. All the writing and prescriptions that have created a medical chart that is thicker than a PhD. thesis. Or my therapist listening for “key” words in our sessions that might be significant in some way that I do not know about. I have no idea when one thing I say prompts a flurry of handwriting or something that I consider to be pretty significant does not. It’s like I just do not know the rules of the game that I am playing and the Doctors all have the upper hand. And then there are the appointments that I go to where I have nothing to report or just do not feel like talking. Those are the most fun. I do not feel like talking and yet, there they are, pens poised in anticipation of the next “great” thing to come out of my mouth/brain. Quite honestly, I do not have something to say all the time. Sometimes, I have no thought pattern whatsoever, yet, there they sit waiting for me to say I am depressed, I feel manic, I feel suicidal….all those things they are expecting.
Most of the time I just feel pretty normal, except I do not handle stress or irritation well. But that is something that is common to a lot of people, not just those of us blessed with Bipolar Disorder. And, I do mean blessed. I would not be as strong as I am without this disorder. If I were one of those people who seem like they just glide through life, I would be at a serious loss as to what to do when the glider came to a screeching halt. I would fly due to forward momentum straight into a crisis that I would not be able to handle. People who have been tested by life seem to handle things better than those who have not. Life is not “Leave it to Beaver” land. It is difficult, testy, irritable, irrational. It is not a Toll House cookie. And, I am sick of being poked and prodded. The meds work. I am fine. I am surfing my own little sine wave, and enjoying it. If you want to knock me off, make me an appointment with a doctor so I can be poked and prodded at. My cage doesn’t even have a Hamster wheel. One of those might be nice. At least I would get some exercise.
Maybe I just do not want to go out and drive a 70 mile round trip because it has been incredibly hot here, and even though our air conditioner is set to cycle down during the hottest part of the day, it is still at least 20 degrees cooler inside. Heat makes me chappy. I am a Fall/Winter person. I like cold. I hate hot. Now, a nice 70 degrees would be blissful. But, alas, where I live that doesn’t happen until November, and we aren’t even out of June. That’s definitely it. I do not want to drive 70 miles today. I have to attend a meeting after the appointment so I won’t even be home until 9:30 or 10:00. I just do not want to go. I am being peevish.
I found this on my google+ page, and I thought it was a really good quote for everyone, not just the mentally “interesting”. It is a good way to think about life especially if you struggle every day, like I do, with a mental illness. Life with mental illness is difficult, but living with the idea that you are a miracle despite the illness(es) is, I think, the best way to be. Always be mindful of the fact that even though you may struggle as I have greatly in the past, and still do on some days, life is a miracle. I have learned this the hard way by trying to take mine on several occasions (nearly succeeding the last time), knowing people who have succeeded, and knowing others that have come too damn close for me. So, no matter where your head is at, life is generally better than untimely death. You never know what you can accomplish until you try, and if you fail, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, take a few days or weeks to recuperate and try again. Remember, you can’t do anything once you are dead. So live as fully as you are able.
This one is going to be short. I feel a bit chappy today. i am going to have to move out of my house which I like very much because the property company/owner is ripping us off on the rent. I have done massive research on how much this property is worth, and we are more than paying the mortgage unless the buyer had really crappy credit. So, now I have to find a new place to live. Sucks to be me.
As a Bipolar who is despite all odds, healing, I wanted to thank you for posting this. Medication is not a magic bullet. I have through the practice of Nichiren Buddhism been able to cut my medication in half. And, through the love and caring that is given to me by my mother, my husband (who can sometimes be a trigger), and my incredible friends in my Buddhist community, I have begun to recover from what seemed to be unrecoverable ~ the non-bipolar person I once was. I believe in alternatives to medication even though I do take some, but I deeply believe that compassion and love and spiritual faith are far more important to recovery than drugs. Medicinal dosing at the minimum for therapy may always be necessary as a piece of my treatment, but I believe they are only a part of a holistic mind, body , spirit approach to recovery. I have been blessed with a psychiatrist who also believes that over-medicating is counter-productive to the healing process.
What is the difference between God and a Psychiatrist?
Answer: God does not believe he is a psychiatrist.
Note: My husband, upon viewing this, said it made him think of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” Indeed it brings that to mind. This ALL still happens today in psychiatric care ALL over the world, contrary to popular belief.
Imagine a world where instead of being faced with terror and coercion by those who are supposed to be healers people in altered states (psychosis) were met with love and confidence that they might heal. Such care exists in the world, but virtually not at all in the United States at this time. See the below two posts on the subject:
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit It’s when things seem worst that you must not…
A Bipolar Journey Through The Rabbit Hole 