Please put any comments you have on the writer’s blog. This was not written by me as I cannot write poetry no matter how hard I tried 🙂
If tears could resurrect
Sister! Oh sister!
What a paean of joy
Would burst through
My very soul,
Resounding throughout
The valley below!
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This song has played during our preparations for Thanksgiving for years. So, I share this tradition with my followers with the hope that it will make somebody laugh 🙂 Warning: it is a very long song, but it is worth it.
How did the rose
Ever open its heart
And give to this world
All its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light
Against its being,
Otherwise,
We all remain too frightened
Hafiz (13th century Sufi mystic poet)
The above words are so true. The only way that we can experience the world’s beauty and share our own beauty is when we feel loving encouragement in our hearts instead of the criticism so many of us are used to. I read that somewhere else, as well, but I cannot remember where. One of my Buddhist texts perhaps.
The words: “It felt the encouragement of light against its being.” describe what people need to open themselves to others and also to grow. Constant criticism does not encourage growth, it hinders it. For many, the Holiday season is a time when they happily spend time with friends and family and reuniting with friends in other places. It is a time of joy and happiness and connection. For other people, the Holidays can be a source of stress that reinforces depression and loneliness.
The Holidays provide a perfect time to practice gratitude and kindness regardless of how you experience the Holidays (I am one of those where it only increases my sense of isolation and loneliness as I am estranged or so it would seem from the majority of my family, and this disorder kills friendships). I am, however, extremely grateful for many things in my life: the friends who didn’t run screaming but simply accepted me as the me they have always known, my family who also didn’t run screaming but stood up against the challenge of coping with loving a mentally ill person, and the new friendships I have managed to forge in spite of being mentally interesting. There are many more relationships and things (not objects) that I am grateful for. This is a perfect time to practice mindfulness, gratitude and appreciation; actually mindfulness, gratitude and appreciation should be practiced at all times. The world would be a kinder, gentler place for everyone to live.
Here is a short way to feel the loving and kind encouragement that allows the beauty of you to shine through no matter where you are in life.
Take a moment to actually do this even if you only read the words, and then just let the feelings of loving and kindness flow through you, and just sit and allow yourself to feel loved, just letting everything be.
While Thanksgiving is a time to feel gratitude and appreciation for what you do have (however little or great it may be), your whole life can also be a reminder to live with gratitude and appreciation for what you have, what you have lost that may have been causing you pain and harm, and what you may gain in the future. If you live your life with gratitude and appreciation for all that you have, you will automatically feel the encouraging and loving light written about by Hafiz, and your life will become a beautiful thing to be celebrated year round.
Living with gratitude and appreciation can also be a powerful source of psychological healing and feelings of well-being. When you appreciate what you do have in this world, you are expressing gratitude for your life, and those people and things that are in it. And, if you live with this in mind at all times or mindfully as some would put it, you can’t help but to experience the world as a much brighter and friendlier place. Living mindfully with gratitude and appreciation opens your heart, and the Universe can feel that energy coming from you (yes, I know that sounds new agey, but bear with me. I practice Buddhism which has a completely different way of viewing the world.)
So, while some may only feel gratitude and appreciation during the Holiday season, those who live it every day will experience healing and well-being all the time. Personally, I live every day with gratitude and the appreciation that I am still alive to write this post, complain about the bus, talk with family and friends, and just generally be content with who I am while at the same time working to become even more. Your life is precious, individual, unique while at the same time contributing to the whole.
Happy Thanksgiving!
This is a topic that I have thought about often; who am I without Bipolar disorder, and when is it actually the disorder talking? This is a confusing subject for me as I live in a perpetual mixed episode. I am neither more manic nor am I less depressed. I am both but in a mild fashion. So, does that mean I am stable as one mood state negates the other, or does it mean that symptoms are constantly present in equal measure? It is quite baffling. So, I ran across an article on Psych Central that covered 6 ways to distinguish your real self from the illness.
From Julie A. Fast, Author and manic-depressive: “One step toward getting to know yourself is knowing your specific symptoms. ‘….you have to figure out what’s bipolar first……write down your symptoms’……Bipolar affects everything from your relationships to your ability to work to how you sleep……Another step in getting to know yourself is sharpening your self-awareness about your thoughts and feelings.” The six ideas below can help you do that, and in the process help you distinguish you from your illness (I hate that word.)
“For example, if I feel angry at my mom and I then think “I shouldn’t feel angry with her, she’s my mom,” I might then feel angry at myself for feeling angry; or I might feel sadness or guilt or anxiety about feeling angry.
If, on the other hand, I can simply acknowledge my anger in a nonjudgmental way (“I feel angry at my mom” – period), we don’t trigger other emotions for ourselves. This means that we can think more logically about the emotion because we only have that one emotion to deal with instead of three or four.
Being able to think more logically about the emotion means we have more ability to consider: “Is this emotion a ‘normal’ emotional reaction, or is it part of my illness?”” (Psych Central)
4. Chart Your Moods: I think we have all heard this before, and have probably done it. I know I did in the early stages of becoming aware of myself as a person with a diagnosed mental health issue, and a serious one at that. I had always known that I suffered from depression and anxiety, but nothing could have prepared me for being told that I had a severe mood disturbance. I was not relieved to finally know what was up as many people report. In fact, I felt like something evil had just steamrolled over my life. So, anyway, mood charting is another way to become more aware of your specific symptoms. There are paper charts, online trackers, and even an app that you can download. Serani mentioned this personal mood chart. For example, you notice you haven’t needed much sleep and you are feeling excited for no real reason and your ideas are bouncing rapidly from to another. It is possible that this is the beginning of a manic or hypomanic episode. Or, perhaps, you are feeling irritable. your temper is a little short, and you are upset for no discernible reason. This could be the beginning of a depressive episode. These symptoms may have to last a few days in order to identify them as products of manic-depression, and not just feeling that way due to a situation. For me personally, it is easier to recognize a manic episode than a depressive one. I can tell when my sleep patterns change. I typically sleep 8 to 9 hours a night, but when I am getting manic, I gradually need less and less sleep to the point where I may not sleep at all or, if I do, it will only be a couple of hours.
5. Consult Others: In the beginning, ask other people you know well (and who know you well) and trust how they would react to the same situation. You can also ask others about who they think you are. You can ask what your regular behavior is like, or who they think you are as a person.
6. Become An Expert On Bipolar Disorder: Develop a deep understanding of your disorder (don’t like that word much either), Serani says. You can do everything from reading books (check my Books page for some suggestions) to reading articles from reputable sources (read: not pop psychology, but something from a scholarly journal, for example) to attending workshops and support groups. She states: “When you empower yourself with information about what symptoms are, how they present, and what to do, you give yourself the gift of enlightenment.”
Separating your self from your illness can be difficult. However, by making yourself aware of your particular symptoms and how they manifest in you (not another Bipolar; we are all as unique as snowflakes), you can get a handle on the difference between what is you and what is manic-depression.
Footnote: Margarita Tartakovsky is an Associate Editor at Psych Central; APA reference Tartakovsky, M. (2013). Bipolar Disorder: 6 Ways To Distinguish Between Yourself & Your Illness.
When I was a child, one of the things I wanted to be most was an astronaut. Well, that didn’t work out, but now we have telescopes in space sending back pictures of what I wanted to see for myself. I guess it is the next best thing. This little snippet is really cool!
The thing I want for X-mas is damn near impossible or so it seems, and that is for everyone in this world that is currently fighting some misguided ideological and monetary war to just stop long enough for people to talk and find commonalities rather than differences, to learn about the other side’s reasoning/ideology, maybe even have a meal together.
It seems like the pat answer for some beauty pageant: I want world peace. I would like world peace, but I do not expect it to last. What I really want to see is people understanding what they are fighting against not what they are fighting for (they already know that). Wars are still about territory/power/control of wealth and they always will be, but more and more, wars are about ideas. How can you be sure you know and understand what you are fighting for unless you have a good operating knowledge of what you are fighting against? Many times, wars are fought by young idealistic people who are clinging to an ideology to help define themselves in this world. The ideals they are fighting for are frequently defined by people who have greater power to change society.
Or maybe, rather than go to war (which we technically haven’t declared ~ again), the main leaders should queue up at Caesar’s Palace and have a series of boxing matches. Whoever wins the matches cedes that their position is wrong, and they back down. Although, having thought this idea before, I just had an insight as to why this wouldn’t work either. Using this model, people could end up having a very scary world ideology; not just a national or individual ideology, but an ideology that the whole world holds and believes to be true. This could definitely lead to some very Orwellian outputs like the Thought Police, and that is completely antithetical to what I want to see happen.
What I want to see happen is for the various sides of the fight to call a cease fire (easier said than done), and sit the fuck down (pardon my language) and talk to each other. Use translators if you have to. But, no one leaves until each side understands the perspective of all the parties involved. Using dialogue, they may find they have more similarities than differences, they may even be fighting for the same ideas, but the parties will never truly know what they are fighting for or against unless they talk to each other instead of blowing each other up (one cannot learn about the other parties if everyone keeps dying). The other part of this idea is that the U.S. does not get to proctor the dialogue (we have done enough already); it will be monitored by a third and neutral party. Once everyone involved understands the ideology of the opposing sides, then if they want to go back to blowing each other up at least they will understand the other party’s positions, and they can make an educated choice to either continue with the bombing and the shooting and all the civilian casualties, or they can peacefully and in a civilized manner resolve their differences using words. Honest dialogue has never killed anyone, let alone thousands. It does not create civilian casualties; it creates no casualties. And it has the effect of allowing people to understand one another provided that they listen to the other. That’s the only problem with dialogue; engaged parties have to actively listen to the other side.
I know this could work. Theoretically. I live in a small courtyard style apartment building, and across the courtyard from me is a family from Afghanistan that moved to the U.S. perhaps 6 months or so ago. The courtyard I live in has some real characters living in it. I am Buddhist, I have neighbors that were Christian missionaries in China and are very Christian, I have a neighbor who is moving unfortunately who is Chippewa and brings her own unique spirituality, and guess what, we all talk to one another, we talk about our individual spiritual faiths, about life, and everything under the sun. The family from Afghanistan brought three more children to the courtyard, and the Christian family has a 1 year old, and she plays with the Afghani children, and the parents on both sides are friends. Recently, the family from Afghanistan had a birthday party for their son, and invited everyone to join. Some friends of theirs came and brought their children. The women didn’t speak English quite as well as the men, but they understood, or their husband translated. We all talked and ate, and discussed whatever came up. It is possible to live harmoniously with other people. The family from Afghanistan had no reason to expect a warm welcome, but they got one due to the nature of the people living in this part of the complex. Rather than avoid each other for our differences, we talk about them, and therefore, come to an understanding of one another. That allows us to live peacefully together.
Now if the rest of the world would get on the “Peace Train,” maybe we could learn about one another, and live understanding that people are different but have many more similarities. But, then again, I have always been an idealist with an increasing dose of reality. I don’t want Utopia; that would be a boring place to live. I want people to have different cultures, ideas, and ways of living. I don’t want them blowing each other up in the name of some ideology that many fighting are too young to understand. I have watched documentaries where they have interviewed children primarily in the Middle East, and one particular part of one of them really struck home. It must have because I remember the two boys. They were best friends, and one wanted to go to University and become a doctor, I believe. The other wanted to join the Taliban. He was 10, and there is no way that he could have understood the ideology behind the Taliban’s brand of fundamentalism and the tactics they employed to keep people in occupied regions in line. This 10 year old child wanted to grow up to be an oppressor of people who held different beliefs than his. That tells me that he doesn’t get it. He would be exchanging his own freedom (and quite possibly his life) and that of others for an ideology that promoted terrorism and killing.
I may be biased. In fact, I am certain that I am, and I am quite possibly naive as well. However, I really think the key to “peace” is education about the “other.” That education can only come from talking to each other, holding an open mind about difference, appreciating differences and similarities, appreciating that others may not think the way that you do about a subject and being okay about it. I realize that war will never be eradicated completely, but at least it can be fought intelligently and with an understanding of both side’s positions. Then people will be fighting people, and not an ideology fighting another ideology. Maybe, if parties involved in conflict saw the other side as a group of people just like them, everyone might think twice about using violence and force to make their point, and use intelligent and open discussion instead.
That’s all I want for Christmas.
I am experiencing that horrible fate that at times overcomes even the most prolific of writers: Writers Block. Its like having a mixed episode with words. The words want to come, they are the most motivated words in the world, but they are also the least motivated words in the world, preferring to laze around in my head while some fictional muscle bound guy feeds them peeled grapes a la Cleopatra. If you had that going for you, would you want to jump out of the warmth of my head onto the coldness of the computer screen? I wouldn’t. I’d stay with the muscle bound grape feeder. And, no, I have gone off the deep end. I did that years ago. I am not even sure what the shallow end looks like.
However, in all seriousness, this is just as bad as living in mixed episode world. The words are stuck in my head. They would like to get to their proper home in the WordPress servers, but they lack motivation. They are the most manic and the most depressed little words in the world. Maybe I am having a psychotic break? Nope, that can’t be it, because I know I am not psychotic which rules out psychosis.
Oh, this is worse than manic depression! How can you say that, I hear people saying? Nothing could be worse than severe mental disruption. This, to me, is worse. I have been writing since I was 12 years old. I am now nearing 44 years of age. That’s 32 years of writing about anything and everything. And, now, I get the dreaded Writer’s Block during the Holiday season when I am generally most prolific. I do not like the Holidays for as many reasons as other people who do not like the Holidays.
Arrgghhh! This has to stop. Writing is my release. It is my way of getting my head out of my head (I know that doesn’t seem to make sense, but it works in my world.) So, my head is stuck inside itself which means I am thinking. Generally, when I think, I have to write down what I am thinking so it doesn’t disturb the delicate balance of mixed episode world. If I tilt the world a little to the left, I can go into major depression. I do not like that space. If I tilt to the right, I can go into manic world. I do not like that space either (well, maybe for a day or two, but we all know that mania sticks around longer than that.) Must maintain balance in the world of my head at all costs. I have to be able to walk the tightrope that is the continuous mixed episode. It is the only “normal” that I know. I will not get through the Holidays if this blockage continues.
I have already lost my mind to several psychiatric diagnoses, have to take medication just to get out of the house, have to take medication to make my brain focus, medication for mood stabilization, and one more for depression. Writing is the only thing that keeps me sane, and won’t cause addiction (the anti-anxiety medication, and the one to keep me focused), or cause unwanted side effects like weight gain (mood stabilizers). Writing has always been my constant, my rock when my ocean acts up and the waves stop their gentle rocking, and I get weird. Not that I am not already weird. That was established in grade school. This is a totally different kind of weird. This is an emotional weird, and it is an unpleasant place to be; very uncomfortable, and there aren’t any pillows in this space. There are so many things I need to get out of my head, and I can’t. My brain is stuck in neutral. Hmmphh……
This is sooooo how icky I have been feeling recently. Every frame of this cartoon has been me for a while.
Please leave your comments on the original writer and artist’s blog. I, myself, cannot draw 🙂
A Bipolar Journey Through The Rabbit Hole 