I am experiencing that horrible fate that at times overcomes even the most prolific of writers: Writers Block. Its like having a mixed episode with words. The words want to come, they are the most motivated words in the world, but they are also the least motivated words in the world, preferring to laze around in my head while some fictional muscle bound guy feeds them peeled grapes a la Cleopatra. If you had that going for you, would you want to jump out of the warmth of my head onto the coldness of the computer screen? I wouldn’t. I’d stay with the muscle bound grape feeder. And, no, I have gone off the deep end. I did that years ago. I am not even sure what the shallow end looks like.
However, in all seriousness, this is just as bad as living in mixed episode world. The words are stuck in my head. They would like to get to their proper home in the WordPress servers, but they lack motivation. They are the most manic and the most depressed little words in the world. Maybe I am having a psychotic break? Nope, that can’t be it, because I know I am not psychotic which rules out psychosis.
Oh, this is worse than manic depression! How can you say that, I hear people saying? Nothing could be worse than severe mental disruption. This, to me, is worse. I have been writing since I was 12 years old. I am now nearing 44 years of age. That’s 32 years of writing about anything and everything. And, now, I get the dreaded Writer’s Block during the Holiday season when I am generally most prolific. I do not like the Holidays for as many reasons as other people who do not like the Holidays.
Arrgghhh! This has to stop. Writing is my release. It is my way of getting my head out of my head (I know that doesn’t seem to make sense, but it works in my world.) So, my head is stuck inside itself which means I am thinking. Generally, when I think, I have to write down what I am thinking so it doesn’t disturb the delicate balance of mixed episode world. If I tilt the world a little to the left, I can go into major depression. I do not like that space. If I tilt to the right, I can go into manic world. I do not like that space either (well, maybe for a day or two, but we all know that mania sticks around longer than that.) Must maintain balance in the world of my head at all costs. I have to be able to walk the tightrope that is the continuous mixed episode. It is the only “normal” that I know. I will not get through the Holidays if this blockage continues.
I have already lost my mind to several psychiatric diagnoses, have to take medication just to get out of the house, have to take medication to make my brain focus, medication for mood stabilization, and one more for depression. Writing is the only thing that keeps me sane, and won’t cause addiction (the anti-anxiety medication, and the one to keep me focused), or cause unwanted side effects like weight gain (mood stabilizers). Writing has always been my constant, my rock when my ocean acts up and the waves stop their gentle rocking, and I get weird. Not that I am not already weird. That was established in grade school. This is a totally different kind of weird. This is an emotional weird, and it is an unpleasant place to be; very uncomfortable, and there aren’t any pillows in this space. There are so many things I need to get out of my head, and I can’t. My brain is stuck in neutral. Hmmphh……
A Bipolar Journey Through The Rabbit Hole 
Try a change of scenery. I have never experienced writer’s block, and for me, it doesn’t exist, but changing things up can help. Explore your town, sit at a coffee shop and overhear the sounds of chattering customers. Imagine. Something will come. Just write. If it isn’t amazing, then it isn’t amazing, but at least you got it out!
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This is true. I think I am freaking out because I have never not something to write about. Normally, my posts are more like small novellas.
Well, I have to go out today, and I ride the bus everywhere. Maybe I’ll meet somebody interesting today. Well, they’re always interesting just not always in a good way, hence the post about the headphones.
I do not care if it wins the Nobel prize, I just have all these thoughts swirling around in my head…..I know what they call that: flight of ideas. Maybe I have tilted a little to the manic side of the scale. The words will come out eventually.
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Just write. Don’t let the tilt stop you. Be raw with your words. You will find little gems in there, I promise. Whatever comes to you mind in whatever nonsensical order- get it out. You may find that in this frame of mind, you get some of the best sentences and ideas yet! Try it!
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Actually, the tilt seems to be working. All I write is stream of consciousness. I have to go back and put it in an understandable form, otherwise you are literally reading my thought process which can be bouncy (Bipolar with ADD), and difficult to follow. Makes sense to me but not to others as my brain skips along.
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Awesome! I love the raw writing!
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That’s the only thing I know how to write from a personal perspective. The only other things I have ever written were research papers for college, and those are so incredibly structured. But, even then, I would write in paragraphs that had no relation to one another, and then I would organize them into a coherent whole. Maybe I just do not think in a straight line when writing. But, I am also really good at math which is very linear. Doesn’t fit.
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Don’t get hung up in what fits and what doesn’t. It’s all up to you what fits. 🙂 Your writing and style don’t have to be like anyone else’s. 🙂
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This is true. I haven’t really found any writer whose style I would wish to emulate. I think all writer’s have their own style, and you either like it or you don’t. And, that is very subconscious. Your conscious mind doesn’t typically think, “Oh, I really like this style.”
In my world, everything fits, but I do edit a bit due to the fact that I have no mind-hand filter. I think it and it comes out on whatever is handy to write on. You should see my old notebooks from school. The margins are filled with observations. Any empty space is a place to write something.
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Amberrhiles is correct when she says to just write. Push yourself to do it and you may set off a trigger to get you moving forward. One thing to try is to Google “blog ideas.” and you’ll get a long list of sites that have prompts for when you’re stuck. Some of them list a hundred or more. When I look through them, most are of no use to me, but I always find one nugget that gives the brain a push. Sometimes I end up writing something totally unrelated to the prompt, but the prompt is what made the light bulb in my head go on.
Best of luck. Writers block can be damned frustrating,
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Try not to have expectations for what you write. Just put words on the page. Distract yourself. Watch a film. I am going through the same thing but I don’t call it writer’s block. I just see it as a time for my muse to collect her ideas and soon the words will be flying out. Let the stream of consciousness flow. It is clear to me what your have written. Panic is the enemy. I know I feel it too but it doesn’t help. Good luck to us all that our ideas will flow.
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I like the way you look at it. I think my muse took off for Tahiti and is drinking MaiTai’s on the beach, but maybe she’s just resting and letting me do the same. Maybe it isn’t writer’s block, per se, but more of a brain lock on something I want to write that may be too painful at the moment. I hadn’t thought of that aspect. Perhaps, my brain is trying to protect me from something…..
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I can’t relate to this!! I’m stuck! It’s like I know what I want but I just can’t express it or make it happen. So frustrating! 🙂
I hope it’s better for you now!
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Still stuck….my brain pretty much shuts down this time of year so I am not traumatized by the Holiday season. It tends to come back on in January sometime.
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I wish I could shut down my brain too. I’m traumatized! 🙂
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The Holidays will traumatize even people who are the so-called “normals” let alone those of us who are prone to moodiness in the first place. It is just become a stressful time of year when it really ought to be a time of relaxation, visiting people you haven’t seen in forever, taking a break, etc. That’s why they call it the Holidays; meaning: time off from busy life not make life busier and stressful.
See, I am easy. Feed me some good food, I will tell you exactly what I need for X-mas (usually a haircut or a winter coat; yes, I am at that point where a pack of nice socks thrills me, but I am outside a lot). 🙂
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Thank you for this comment 🙂
I always hated December and since a couple of years, it seems that December starts in July 🙂
Too much stress!! I can’t take it!
I hope you get a nice pair of socks this Christmas 🙂
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I worked in retail for a number of years, and the most stressful place to work during the Holiday season which starts in August with Halloween (and does not stop) is a drugstore like Walgreen’s. I worked for Sav-on, and we started gearing up for Halloween in August, and then came Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then New Year’s, then Valentine’s Day. It literally did not stop. The day after X-mas we were pulling the decorations, the cards, the candy, everything and replacing it with New Year’s stuff, and the same for New Year’s. You get the picture.
I got a Pea Coat this year so I would have a casual winter coat. And a Kindle book (would have preferred the hard copy, but it is still the book I wanted. My mom is very tech savvy). Hopefully, I will get some new socks. I could use them. It gets cold out there waiting for the bus 🙂
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Wow, I can’t imagine that!
We are pushed to buy and buy and get and get 🙂
Nice mom! 🙂
I’ll search what a Pea Coat is :D.
And send a letter to Santa asking for warm and cute socks! 🙂
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A pea coat is actually part of a Navy uniform. It is the wool coat that sailor’s wore in the winter. it is typically fitted, has 6 to 8 buttons, and is quite warm. If you use Google images for “pea coat”, you’ll get thousands of pictures. The vintage ones are really expensive, and you literally have to measure yourself to make sure it will fit because they used standard men’s measurements. So, if you need a 42 long, you have to find a dealer that has one. They are actually quite interesting to research.
Yep, my Mom rocks most of the time. She can be….well, her sometimes, but can’t we all 🙂
And, I am never working retail again. I think that had some bearing on my attitudes regarding the Holidays as well. I saw how as you put it people “are pushed to buy and buy” and don’t forget to buy an extra present for the surprise guest 🙂
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The pea coat is very nice!! I didn’t know it was called that way. I have no idea how it’s called in Spanish (I’m not into clothes but I’m too shy to became a nudist :D).
My mom is awesome too. I guess we are very lucky!
I never thought about the extra present!! We are alone here so I got presents only for my kids. I will buy something for myself because if I don’t, they’ll ask why I didn’t get any present and they get to the conclusion that I wasn’t a nice person this year 🙂
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