This Is How You Freak Out Someone With Mental Issues

~ seroquelhangover

depressed+and+suicidal ..…….Send a Bipolar Type I with psychotic features, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Anxiety with and without Agoraphobia a cessation of disability benefits because some bureaucratic idiot determined you had improved medically and were physically able to work. For crying out loud, people at the SSA, I did not file for disability for medical/physical reasons. I applied under the mental health guidelines because my brain does not work the way it should when it comes to anxiety and mood regulation. I also have ADD which makes it really difficult to focus for more than about 45 minutes. 

That is how to freak out someone who already will automatically think: the Depression is Like a Warworld is over as far as I know it, and do I have enough medication to end the whole debacle right now. Not that I would do this. I made a vow to myself and all the powers that run the universe that if I got through the last attempt (which damn near killed me) without brain damage or any physical problems that I would never try that again. It came too close to being final, and that scared the living hell out of me. I do not want to die; I want the mood swinging to stop. Not too much to ask or maybe too much to ask.

And the spiral is getting worse the longer I wait. This whole process started in July 2014. It is now nearly April 2015. What’s that? Something like 8 months this has been going on. It is time for them to either approve or deny my appeal. I will appeal to a higher ajudicator on my 2nd appeal, but I am tired. That mental and physical tiredness that can only come from worrying and being on pins and needles for 8 months while the SSA folks cool their heels. It is a tiredness of the mind.

I have just about had it; I am too stressed, I am having major problems with anxiety (upped my dosage back to its original amount), depression Mood Smileys(antidepressants do not seem to work on me), and mania to some degree. All this because of a letter; I think the average person might not fight so hard, because physical improvement is visible. Mental health is invisible, intangible so you have to argue twice as hard to prove that you are a walking mental case. None of this is right. Sorry if I seem hostile, but I am pissed off to no end right now.

23 thoughts on “This Is How You Freak Out Someone With Mental Issues”

  1. Wow. Sounds like you are in the exact situation as me, except, my SSDI hasnt been taken away. That alone would kill me because one of thr reasons I’ve been able to lead a someone “normal” life is because with ssdi, im able to take the worry of income (although low…i adapt well) out of the panic/freak equation, which has also helped me get health insurance easier. Theres got to be something maybe your doc can help you with as far as making sure this does not get taken away. From what i know, once you get it and they end up reviewing for possibility of being stopped, if you can provide documentation and support from your doc that this is needed for survival as you have a chronic condition that prevents you from being able to keep gainful employment, its easier to keep it from being disruptive.

    Please dont give up on this. You gotta fight it. I know this for a fact. This advice is coming from someone who has the exact same diagnosis, along with the same situation. Please keep us all posted.

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    1. Oh believe me, I will definitely keep everyone posted……it is what is weighing quite heavily on me right now. And, I really do not have the capacity to handle stress of this nature.

      That’s part of the bigger picture here; I lose jobs generally within about 1.5 to 2 years of aqcuiring them. I go into depressive mode for no good reason and Poof! the job is gone.

      It is only through SSDI that I became eligible for Medicare part B which you have to carry in order to get a Medicare advantage plan. i had great insurance, but that ends on March 31st at 11:59 pm.

      If I have to get an attorney involved I will. I already sent off a packet of stuff to my Congresswoman whose interns, I guess, help people with SSDI appeals.

      We’ll see. I may be falling down the rabbit hole called work; that scares me straight into panic mode.

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      1. Yes. A friend of mine once told me not to look at it with so much complication and shat thdy want to know is, “can you work or not? If so, is it considered gainful employment?” Its not about how long u go without a job. They reaearch & calculate. Im sure you know all this stuff. I dont even know you but im rooting for you & want you to find comfort in it not being as much as a tragedy as you think. This issue hits home with me way too close. Do yes, I’ll be wishing you my personal magic luck. 🙂 Peace

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  2. So sorry Jen,
    I’ve never been officially diagnosed (because I refuse to get tested in any way), but I want you to know that my levels of stress every time I get a letter regarding my residence permit, touch the clouds. I don’t sleep, I start shaking, I need to use the bathroom several times after I read the letter.
    I can imagine how hard all this is for you, not knowing for so long is BAD!
    I understand the difficulty of going into Zen mood.
    big hug!
    (by the way, I have my appointment about the permit next Monday. I can barely eat!).

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      3. It is okay to be angry about being mentally “interesting’. People look at us funny, they make jokes about things that are, by nature, not funny. They call us crazy, and they mean it, not like crazy ha-ha, but crazy like there is something wrong with you. Keep reading the archives of this blog. I know I wrote a lengthy rant about “normal” people, and bullies, and, well, I have written a rant about everything. 🙂 Don’t be sorry……you did not make a choice to be mentally interesting. Nothing to be sorry about. As my grandma used to say: God made us perfect just the way we are.

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      4. Thank you for your understanding and your kind words.
        Thanks also for the info on Pete Earley..i’ve just put the Rat’s to bed,but very soon i’ll look into it a bit further on the Amazon.link you sent me.
        I can also inquire at a good book store i visit about ordering his book(s)
        You know Jen,manic-depressive people,by and large, at least HAVE a voice, but so many schizophrenic people don’t.. and when they do they don’t always self advocate helpfully when it comes to their care,their aspirations, and especially their rights.
        They’re as a whole not stupid either, but they tend to be treated very badly –pygmy 77

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      5. How can I not be understanding of places I have been? And you are right about schizophrenics having a hard time advocating for themselves. I know I did for many years until I finally learned to tell the prescribing doctor’s “no. I have tried that. It didn’t work or it had this effect, etc.” My upstairs neighbor is a high functioning autistic. They don;t have much of a voice at all. The only reason bipolar’s get heard at all is that we go manic, and tell everyone everything. I know there are a lot of us who try to quietly live with the illness, but I refuse to be one of those people. Society needs to understand the mentally different on all spectrums. We are part of the “normals” community, and there are a lot of us. “Normal” people ought to be educated about people who aren’t like them. Some of my best friends have one or more mental health issues, and they are decent people just trying to live with what was handed to them.

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      6. Don’t be sorry 🙂 It’s ok to feel bad sometimes. And autocorrect sucks most of the times 🙂
        I hope you feel better today 🙂

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  3. So sorry to hear this. I know we people with mental illnesses have such a low threshold for freaking out anyway, so to get this letter must have been extremely difficult. Do you have a lawyer? Are you seeing a psychiatrist regularly? Is your medication at optimal levels? Please don’t do anything to yourself, this too shall pass! I promise you it will. It will be resolved, I am very hopeful that it’ll be in your favor. Hang in there. We are here for you. Breathe. Hugs and calm thoughts for you.

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    1. I have a psychologist that I see once per week, and a psychiatrist I see every month. I am on what seem to be optimal doses of medication. However, there is no real “anti-freak out” pill that I know of.

      No fears, I have a “do not hurt myself” contract with my psychologist. She won’t see me if I try to hurt myself, and I have been with her for 12 years. That’s a lot of stuff to cover if I have to start over with someone else.

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      1. You are a valuable member of the human race and you are fully deserving of being here, no matter what..so please, PLEASE don’t do anything to harm yourself.
        I’m bipolar too and i also live with PTSD,i can empathise with your somewhat precarious situation, where the cost cutting bean counters can’t, or perhaps won’t.
        You may not always realise it, but you’re already a person with a strong character and disposition, i think everybody HAS to be in this world.
        It’s a true aphorism that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”..i can personally attest to that.
        You may have a mental illness that at times can be debilitating , but i can discern in your writing that you care; you have a heart.
        In order to self perpetuate, the ‘system’ tends to divide us into either winner’s or loser’s.And like most singular black and white thinking, it’s not only redolent of untruth, it’s also harmful.
        I hope your future benefit payments are approved very soon, and that you won’t have to deal with the dreadful system for a long time thereafter –pygmy 77

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      2. Well, considering that I cannot do myself in, apparently ( I always call 911 on myself), I do not think we have to fear that. I am just completely frustrated having my fate being decided by a bunch people who have probably never popped an anti-psychotic pill. I hate that I am being reviewed by people who know nothing about me or my ability to cope in this world. Its one reason that we are seeing so many suicides among the soldiers coming back from the Mid-East; they aren’t getting the benefits they deserve or the psychological care that they need. This country seems to have a very “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” mentality, and anything that is disordered is dangerous. They (the SSA people) have no idea what “pulling yourself up by the bootstraps” even means. We do it every day that we wake up.

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      3. The psychiatrist’s that have the power and the will to put people under their immediate control on antipsychotic medications..are upon later reflection often strange and skewered..there’s so often something ulterior in the mix.
        I’m ‘high-functioning’ bi-polar.I only learned of the term, and its meaning, a few years ago but it has made an enormous difference in how i see myself.
        Now, after another almost inevitable episode of hypo-mania, i no longer feel the irresistible urge to ruminate so chronically on how “dumb” and “unintelligent” i must “really be” et al et al.
        It certainly doesn’t help, thinking that mental illness is one’s own fault and doing –it’s subjective and almost devoid of any reasonable logic or objection.
        Antipsychotic’s only ever had the effect of closing me down..i couldn’t do much more than shuffle around and sleep a lot.
        I have anti-depressants that work,i’ve been taking them for over 20 years..It’s not a perfect scenario, but self- determination is an innate and inviolable part of the human condition ; “they” don’t really seem to want that though..indeed,the powers that be,in other words those who are IN control and so often as part of that in positions of power and privilege.
        I don’t want to usurp anybody’s cracked porcelain piss-pot..i want,firstly,to be able to get to the bottom of what the largest contributer’s are..to the miserable state of affairs humanity is continuing to embroil itself in,and find ways to elucidate this to other caring and comprehensive people (most of us)
        You know, principles before personalities and all that, it’s crucial to protect the guilty as well as the innocent.
        Our jails are already full to bursting with people who did very little wrong to be there in the first place, so throwing people in among them who systematically conspired to put them there in the first place???..
        People who’ve done nothing more than taking an illegal mind altering substance..people with a mental illness often on misdemeanours..
        It’s readily apparent to me that at its basis, the rich really do live at the expense of the poor, and they’re no happier anyway.
        And meanwhile, the gap continues to widen.
        There ARE answers, i know there are.And so i will continue to look for INclusive and not EXclusive solutions.
        The whole wide world’s collective sanity,umm,and therefore in part my own,verily hinges on some workable solutions being found and put into trial practice –pygmy 77

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      4. I agree with every thing you said. You should look up a guy named Pete Earley. He used to be a journalist for the Washington Post, and his son has Bipolar Disorder Type I (I don’t know of any qualifying features). Well, his son had a manic episode, broke into the neighbor’s house (they were away on vacation), and took a shower. The neighbors pressed charges fro breaking and entering, and Pete Earley’s son was arrested for nothing more than being manic and psychotic. Pete Earley has since quit his job with the Post, and is an advocate for the mentally ill. He wrote a book about the in/out of jail situation that we are currently using to “warehouse” our mentally ill. It is called “Crazy…” jot go to amazon.com and type in Pete Earley. I read that book in about two days. He also has a very insightful blog where he discusses various things that have happened to mentally ill people in the criminal justice system (there’s an oxymoron for you: “Criminal Justice”). He is really amazing. He gets “it” whatever that really means.

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  5. Get an attorney if you need to. The SSA people should know you don’t just get over Bipolar Disorder. If your psychologist is willing to write a letter on your behalf, documenting the symptoms that interfere with your ability to sustain gainful employment, this will likely help. Good luck!

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    1. I have had her write exactly such a letter, and I am really hoping an attorney won’t be necessary, but, depending on what they do with new evidence it could still work in my favor. And, yes, the SSA people should know that you don’t just get rid of Bipolar. You get to be almost friends with it (i know that sounds weird), because if you don’t own it as a part of you, you don’t get treated as effectively.

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