I am also a Buddhist as well as many other things, and although this explanation is particular to Tibetan Buddhist chant and prayer (I am a believer in the Nichiren sect of Buddhism), The Dalai Lama explains the main precepts of Buddhism quite well. So, I thought I would post it for anyone interested in Buddhism, in general. Buddhism is very peaceful and, for me, calming.
human revolution
Today I Got Two New Awards (Not Bragging Today)
Today, another blogger, ajaytao2010, volunteered me to pick out two awards from a total of thirteen. As, I am approaching the “big” move out of the house I used to share with a man I thought was something he turned out not to be, I am feeling a little like I am on a hammock that is rocking violently in a late summer wind. I am alternating from irritable (big defensive wall) to profoundly sad (no defenses there). I got married with the idea that this would be the only marriage i would ever have. I was in my late 30’s when I got married. I waited until I thought I had found the right man. I was very wrong as I often am. One of these days I am going to get this “life thing” right, I swear. i just do not know what a happy life looks like. I have never really had one. Not even as a child. I thought too much and analyzed the life out of things; probably why I am a great researcher. but, happy, no. Weird to other people and kids at school, yes. I wasn’t normal until I hit college, and realized that all the weirdos from high school had congregated there. Now, I wasn’t weird or strange or any one of a number of descriptors used over the years. I was accepted, I was allowed to explore ideas and philosophies. I was encouraged to explore, to inquire, to question, and to be myself (which was still a bit odd).
At any rate, I have been moving out of the house that was supposed to be a “fresh start” for my husband and myself, but nothing changed except me. I became less emotional which may or may not be a good thing. He continued with his way of life (of which I highly disapproved). It is almost like the status quo was fine for him, but I needed to work on myself. I was always in the wrong, always on the receiving end of small but biting barbs; I was being abused, and I recognized it. I had been trying to work up the courage to leave, but he always sweet talked me back, and then it would all start over again. We finally had the deal breaker fight a couple of months ago, and I went to bed that night determined to instigate divorce proceedings. I had told him that I would divorce him if he didn’t at least try to curb certain activities. He didn’t and told me to stop threatening. I said that it was a certainty. And, so it came to be.
So, today, a blogger who has just started reading the convolution that is my life gave me two awards for my blog. Like I said, i do not really need awards to validate myself (that was me in college; I was defined by being the best student in the class), however, it is very nice and humbling that someone would actually not only read my esoteric writings about everything, but would find it interesting enough to follow it, and to deem it worthy of a couple of awards. Like I said, it couldn’t have come at a more opportune time in my life; recognition and validation of any kind is very appreciated when one has not heard much of it. So, one again, Ajaytao2010, thank you very much. I receive them with appreciation and gratitude. 🙂
On Spirituality And Mental Health ~ My Perspective
I have been inspired today by several other blog posts I have read to think about the nature of spirituality and it’s healing and restorative properties. While I think it is important for anyone to have some sort of spiritual faith be it Christian, Catholic, Buddhist or Wiccan, I have no prejudices concerning people’s choice of spirituality; whatever works is what you should do.
I happen to follow a sect of Buddhism (there are literally thousands of sects) known as Nichiren Buddhism which emphasizes that you and you alone are the source of the struggle or hurdle that you are facing, and only you can come up with a solution through chanting “Nam Myoho Renge Kyo” which loosely translated means Devotion to the Mystic Law of the Universe and the simultaneity of cause and effect (“Renge” means lotus blossom which seeds and blooms at the same time) through the vibration of sound. It tends to become very meditative if you chant for a while which is not dissimilar to Zen Buddhism that teaches that one must clear one’s mind and life of earthly desires to achieve enlightenment although Nichiren Buddhism does not state that you must give up earthly desires in order to reach enlightenment.
The whole goal of Nichiren Buddhism is to reach a state of “Buddhahood” in which one understands the nature of all things, and is indestructibly happy no matter what gets thrown your way. In fact, if you are practicing correctly and are following the correct path, then obstacles will get in your way to test your faith. Nichiren Buddhism views these trial and tribulations as a means of growing spiritually, and are to be greeted with joy as opposed to sadness or despair.
Nichiren Buddhism is an inherently humanistic “life philosophy.” It teaches that you practice for yourself and for others (others being the rest of the world), and that everyone regardless of their station in life is worthy, and deserve respect and compassion. When you put these ideas into practice, your environment changes around you. As you become closer to being “enlightened” and you develop a character that cannot be brought down, your reaction to the things that occur just because you are a human become less severe, and more understanding of other people’s inherent rights to be treated with dignity. You become less judgmental, and more accepting of people in general. It is hard to explain. But, it works for me, and about 200 million people practicing in 192 countries. Another idea that is very important and is essential is known as “Dependent Origination.” In other words, we are all interconnected in one way or another with other people and the Universe that nourishes us. It is really hard to explain why this philosophy works for me, but I know I have become happier, more resilient and the episodes of mania and depression have lessened.
It does not matter what faith you follow. It is the act of engaging in spiritual activities on a regular basis is what I believe is important. Being a member of a spiritual group be it Buddhist, Christian, Catholic, Judaic, or Taoist can provide you with a sense of feeling grounded, it also provides social contact, it can provide a social support network (if you feel that you can trust people to not judge you for your struggles); some of my best friends are members of the SGI (Soka Gakkai International ~ means “Value Creating”.)
People of faith tend to be supportive of one another, and if they practice true to the values of their chosen faith, they are respectful and compassionate towards all people. The only real difference between the “People of the Book” and Buddhism is that Buddhists are taught to follow the teachings not the teacher, and that Buddhahood is within you, you just have to find it, whereas the “People of the Book” have an external sense of the divine. Buddhism is all you, your causes and your effects, your obstacles and your method of overcoming them, and Christians have God and Jesus’ teachings to follow, but believe in an external higher being. In Buddhism, you are the “higher power,” you just have to find it. No matter what works for you, I have found that many people with mental issues who are also deeply spiritual seem to have better outcomes, and a more positive way of managing whatever their life or their mental issue throws their way.
Buddhism is part of my three pronged attack on my mental health problems: Buddhist practice, a psychiatrist who is extremely good with medication and is not heavy handed with it, and a therapist who has become a lifeline. These three things keep me relatively sane. They also keep others around me relatively sane as well.
So, I highly recommend that people who suffer with mental issues find a spiritual belief system that works for them. It will keep you grounded, enable you to weather the storms when they happen, provide social contact, and provide a network of people you trust to help support you when things aren’t quite kosher. But, that is only my experience and perspective. It is not written in stone or any medical journal that I know of 🙂
I Need To Go Somewhere Else ~ I Shall Go Completely Mad If I Stay Here
I know it’s bad when I have forsaken my Alice in Chains, Pink Floyd, and Nine Inch Nails for Marilyn Manson. I think I am slowly going mad. The Christians have a saying that God does not give more than you can handle. That’s a nice sentiment but I am Buddhist, and everything that is good in my life and everything that is bad in my life is all my own doing (or undoing, as it appears to be). I am the source of the answer and the problem, and I have no answers, just problems. I can no longer see any light at the end of the tunnel. It has gone out, or the lantern bearer is on break. I feel like I am in the boat crossing the river Styx with Charon at the helm, and he is taking us further and further down the river towards Hades and away from the light.
My soon to be ex-husband is closed up in his little room with the door shut watching his porn, and diving deeper into his fantasy life. I wish I had a fantasy life. I have always been too practical and logical to have much of an active fantasy life. To me, if it wasn’t something tangible I could touch, it didn’t exist (I know that sounds a little like Kant‘s philosophy that as soon as an object is out of sight, does it cease to exist?), if it could not be proven scientifically, I had no use for it. I do not believe is God, so that is out of the question. It would be so nice to just be able to “turn my problems over to God” and let him/her deal with the hows and the whys. But I can’t see or touch God, therefore he/she doesn’t exist in my realm. I wish I could “Let go and let God,” or whatever that bumper sticker says. But, how can one turn one’s problems over to an entity they cannot prove the existence of? That’s too much of a leap of faith for me. It requires trust in something I cannot touch, see or conceive of.
So, I am becoming increasingly stuck in my own mind which is not a good place to be right now. I cannot seem to achieve the mind-heart disconnect that I have been able to successfully complete in the past. Even though he has taken away my sense of myself as attractive and sexy which are very feminine yearnings. I had that sense once, but that part of me is under deep cover right now. I know I should be mad about that, but somehow, I have decided that everything that went wrong with this relationship is my fault. I wasn’t tolerant of his porn addiction (and it is an addiction, at this point), I did not act or do things the way he expected a wife to do. I am NOT going to clean the house in lingerie and high heels as he seems to have come to believe that “real and sexy” women do. Porn has warped his sense of gender roles and sexuality in general. And, yet he claims to know the difference between the reality of marriage and the “fantasy women.” No, he doesn’t. With addiction came the blurring of the line, just like it does with any addiction. However, I felt very disrespected, and said so on more than one occasion. He didn’t listen. Junkies do not listen to people telling them they are sick. They believe their behaviour is within the realm of the normal. I have been an addict. There is nothing normal about it.
I cannot decide how I feel. I am decidedly not manic, nor am I particularly depressed. I am extraordinarily stressed out, and I am sad. I can tell because I am dropping weight like I was actually dieting. But, the truth is I cannot eat. I cannot sleep for more than 4 or 5 hours a night. This is going to drive me mad. Not nuts, I am already there, but completely mad. The kind you may or may not come back from in the same form you had before. There is no going back, anyway. Every experience shapes you for the better, the worse or both. This is a both situation. I have changed for the better in some ways, and for the worse in others. Like my trust factor is shot right now. I entrusted him with my heart and soul, and he broke my heart. There is nothing on this planet that I will likely experience at this point in time that will break my soul. I have already been through that, too, and lived. It took a while to pull the pieces back together, but I did it, and came out stronger. Continue reading
Once Again On Facebook
Kindness
On Suffering and Human Growth
“Every time we suffer, we grow” ~ Ram Dass
…Suffering has a way of opening our hearts and putting us in touch with our compassionate nature… You cannot avoid growth if your heart is open. Suffering teaches us to love and to be kind, compassionate, and sensitive to the struggles of others. It is the greatest means of enlarging our perspective.
This idea is one of the pillars of Nichiren Buddhism as well as many other traditions; without obstacles, struggles and suffering, we cannot grow as compassionate human beings. If we do not suffer any obstacles or difficulties then how can we know what empathy truly is? How can we be open to the struggles of others, and not want to help alleviate their suffering? You cannot know compassion and “enlightenment” if you do not suffer. I think that having Bipolar makes me more open to the needs and struggles of others because chances are I have been in their shoes at some point. This is not to say that I understand their feelings in their totality, but I can empathize with their struggle or plight. Depression is a good example. I can see someone struggling with depression and know how that person is feeling because as a person with Bipolar, I have suffered through many depressions. So, I can understand the melancholy nature of being depressed; the sadness, the apathy, the feeling that the world really is flat and you could walk off the edge at any minute.
Of course, suffering can work in the opposite direction, too. It can close your heart down to the struggles of others and make you a very unsympathetic person. It can make a person very cold and closed to the suffering of others. This is unfortunate because by its very nature overcoming a struggle or obstacle is in itself human growth of spirit.
In the immortal words of Forest Gump: “….and that’s all I have to say about that.”
A Bipolar Journey Through The Rabbit Hole 